you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
