Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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