Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
