you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
