Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
