My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
false alarm, still single
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