if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
