I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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