i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
