She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
