I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
