I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
