oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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