My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
