Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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