1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
