just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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