You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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