My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
