how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
