sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
