I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
