Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
