apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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