Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
