About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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