just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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