Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
