How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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