Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
