so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
