YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
