Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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