yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
