I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
