Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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