have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
