your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
