): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
