There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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