I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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