Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
