he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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