So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
