i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
