Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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