I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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