id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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