mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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