I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
