I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
