I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
