I showed him my bush... on skype.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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