im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
