capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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